Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Green-Eyed Blogger

I usually consider myself a content woman.  I adore my family.  My job is incredibly satisfying.  I am spoiled by the more-often-than-not gorgeous Southern California weather. I end most days with a perfectly sweetened cup of freshly-brewed coffee and the daisy-print comforter my husband bought for me (and willingly sleeps under!) makes me smile. Mine is a good life and I actively work at appreciating it.

But lately, tiny pangs of jealousy have begun to taunt me.  I ignored them at first, hoped that with time, they would go away. But as I sat down tonight, intending to compose my next post, I realized it was time to admit the problem I am having.

I have blog envy.

I keep adding more and more blogs to my Reader, each with its own widget or gadgets, backgrounds or layouts, engaging voice or thought-provoking content.  And with each add, my envy grows.  I find myself wishing I was doing more -- that I had something more substantial to say or more amazing photographs to share or wittier banter to enlighten and entertain. 

It's silly, really. Why should I care what other blogs look like or what incredible insights they reveal?  Shouldn't I just accept my own blog and appreciate it for what it is?

But I think if we are honest, most of us do this with something in our lives.  Someone else's body, someone else's money, someone else's charisma?  And maybe we even justify it and think, what's the harm?  Why shouldn't I want what someone else has?  Shouldn't I strive for more and better?

For me, the difference lies in what is motivating our desire. If we want more because it will allow us to be more loving, more giving individuals, then the desire is good.  But if the desire comes from a need to be better than others or to bring pleasure to self only, we have crossed into covetousness. And the harm comes in the dissatisfaction it brings to the blessings we already enjoy.  We should not desire another person's spouse because it will blind us to the gifts of our own spouse.  We should not envy someone else's success because it will blind us to the success in our own lives, making us unable to fulfill our real purpose.

So, my blog envy?  Spending too much time focusing on what other bloggers are doing that I am not blinds me to the strengths of my own blog.  Instead, I need to turn that envy into inspiration. Maybe too much time drooling over other blogs has left me with less time and energy to make mine what it really could be.

Or maybe my little blog is all that it will ever be and I need to love it for that and for what I learn about myself and others by doing it.

Either way, I think I can add More Than I Should Bear to the list of good things in my life --right after that perfect cup of coffee and just before the daisy bed.

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