Friday, March 4, 2011

Battle or Bliss?

All day the question haunts me: what will I write about?  Ideas flit about me and I swat at them like they are tiny gnats before I realize they might be the ticket to today's piece.

What will I write about?  Will I write about my distracted students -- so eager for the weekend, but still mired down in the difficulties of their calculus test and their econ homework?  My boys - the way they want to be close to me, but already know they are supposed to be pulling away?  My husband -- how he "dances" with me by standing still and smiling as I twirl around him? Will I write about bedtime -- the bathroom trips, whines for water, one-more-kiss requests and stifled giggles from under the blankets?

I'm not sure today what I should write about.  I just know that my heart gets pushed and pulled in seventeen directions each day and by the end I can hardly describe what has happened or how I have felt.  I am not sure what to write about, but I know that I am blessed and burdened in such a wonderful way.  So many people to love, so many needs to be met. Study guides hidden under notebooks, half-hugs and wrestling holds replacing super squeezes and tenderness,  a stiff sway instead of a round-the-room waltz.  A mini-battle instead of unblemished bliss. 

I am not sure what to write about, but I write anyway. Because sometimes what is is better than what might be.

3 comments:

Becky said...

Your sentences are packed with thoughts, which makes your paragraphs even more packed. I like your writing style!

Magical Ms. M said...

Stephanie,
Your piece reminds me of Natalie Goldberg's advice to write and write and write, even when you don't know what to write. I often fill a page with meandering thoughts like yours, taking stock of the entirety of a day rather than a specific moment.

Friday was the first day that I had several writing thoughts. At first they felt distracting but then I, too, realized they were part of this practice. I feel an increasing mindfulness as I go through my day wondering, "is this slice today?"

In this piece, I really liked the descriptions from bedtime. I laughed out loud! More, please :)
Erin

Magical Ms. M said...

Found this while exploring your blog(s).
"Keep tangling and interweaving and taking more in"
I think that matches this post well.
Happy Slicing,
Erin